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What is Love ???

3/27/2014

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Many believe love is a sensation that magically generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. No wonder so many people are single!


Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it.
The key word is passivity. Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving," noted the sad consequence of this misconception: "There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love.


So what is love ― real, lasting love?

Love is the result of appreciating another's goodness...


Love is a Choice
If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen , you can make it happen. Love is active. You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person (and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you'll love easily.


By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone
Now that you're feeling so warmly toward the entire human race, how can you deepen your love for someone? The way God created us, actions affect our feelings most. For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start.



Opening Yourself to Others
The effect of genuine, other-oriented giving is profound. It allows you into another person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.


The more you give, the more you love
Many years ago, I met a woman whom I found very unpleasant. So I decided to try out the "giving leads to love" theory. One day I invited her for dinner. A few days later I offered to help her with a personal problem. On another occasion I read something she'd written and offered feedback and praise. Today we have a warm relationship. The more you give, the more you love. This is why your parents (who've given you more than you'll ever know) undoubtedly love you more than you love them, and you, in turn, will love your own children more than they'll love you.
---Because deep, intimate love emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but over time which nearly always means after marriage. The intensity many couples feel before marrying is usually great affection boosted by commonality, chemistry, and anticipation. These may be the seeds of love, but they have yet to sprout. On the wedding day, emotions run high, but true love should be at its lowest, because it will hopefully always be growing, as husband and wife give more and more to each other.


A woman I know once explained why she's been happily married for 25 years. "A relationship has its ups and downs," she told me. "The downs can be really low ― and when you're in one, you have three choices: Leave, stay in a loveless marriage, or choose to love your spouse."





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3 Signs You’re an Emotional Cheater

8/5/2013

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Not all affairs involve sneaking around and hooking up. Developing a deep connection with someone other than your partner, known as emotional infidelity, can be just as harmful to a relationship, but it’s often harder to spot. In fact, most men and women would consider a partner’s emotional infidelity cheating, but they’re less likely to think it crosses the line when they’re the ones doing it.


In a survey of 1,000 U.S. adults, 60 percent of people said that it would be considered cheating if their partner developed a strong emotional connection with someone else. But when the situation was flipped and a separate group of 1,000 adults were asked if it would be considered cheating if they were the ones who developed a deep emotional connection with someone other than their partner only 50 percent of people thought it was cheating.  Surprisingly, gender had a big impact on perspective: In the first survey, 70 percent of women and 50 percent of men thought of their partner’s actions as cheating.

So why is it cheating if your partner does it, but no big deal if you do it? “We judge ourselves by our intentions, we judge others by their actions,” says relationship expert Mira Kirshenbaum, author of I Love You But I Don’t Trust You. Essentially, you’re less likely to consider it cheating because you know what’s going on inside your head. But when it comes to your partner, all you see are their actions and you assume the worst about their motivations.


  Even if you feel like you can trust yourself, it can be dangerous to assume that your platonic relationships are totally benign. Here, a few signs that you may be putting your romantic relationship at risk:

You’re Looking for Something Outside Your Bond 
It’s normal to vent to a friend (male or female) when you’re going through a rough patch with your partner, but if you find yourself turning to them for something that’s missing in your own relationship like trust, companionship, intimacy it’s a red flag,

You’re Hiding it from Your Partner 
You might think you’re in the clear if you've been transparent about your friendship. But be cautious if you find yourself hiding certain conversations or feelings from your partner. “If anything is going on with another person that you wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with your partner, then you are edging into emotional infidelity.


You’re Worried it Might Be Cheating 
When it comes to this hard-to-define form of infidelity, it’s often best to trust your gut. If it seems like you’re close to emotionally cheating, you’re probably already there, The bottom line: Look for the obvious signs. If you have any romantic feelings for someone other than your partner, address it before it goes any further!




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10 Commandments of Love

2/6/2012

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1. Communication
 Communicate your needs positively& politely.

2. Courage 
 Forgive mistakes, have the courage to say "I'm sorry" first.

3. Contentment
 Share your contentment and gratitude for what    you have together. 
 
4. Consideration
 Always be kind and considerate of your partner’s feelings. 

5. Collaboration
 Collaborate together to form a stronger bond and create lasting memories.

6. Curiosity
 Show curiosity in your partner's daily life, goals, and dreams.

7. Compliments 
Compliments are the bedrock of romance so give them daily.

8. Commitment 
Build trust by reviewing and renewing your commitment together.

9. Contribution 
Find as many ways as you can to contribute to each others lives.

10. Celebration
Celebrate your love and life by laughing everyday.
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Survivng an Affair

11/7/2011

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Let me start off by saying , I am not oking the fact to have an affair in this blog, and YES an Affair is something to be taken very seriously and we should never settle to be with a partner who constantly cheats. But I also feel we are all human and by no where near perfect. We get caught up , by the flesh, temptation , greed , lack of communication and anger sometimes.
 I feel that being in a great lasting relationship has to include full understanding that we are not perfect , we are bond to make mistakes sometimes. Whats important is a partner who recognizes there/your mistakes , learns from, and wants to move forward .
I met this beautiful couple while I was living in Tampa , and I feel blessed to have met them. They were in there mid 40's and have been married since they were 20 ..... this couple still had so much passion, I was just in shock to see them still flirt with eachother, her sitting in his
lap , him caressing her hair , I even caught him glazing at her as if  she was the most beautiful women he's ever seen. It was  beautiful!
After 20 years... still that playfulness. It was just amazing!
I just had to ask them whats there secret ??? It's , Understanding each other , being realistic, forgiving.
You see they have a complete understanding of what it means to understand and except that we are always working to be better people because we are not perfect.
Therefore if the person we love makes a mistake , we have to learn to be forgiving and move on.
So, If the relationship is worth fighting for...
You and Your Sex Life Can Survive an
Affair
. Whether its an emotional affair with somebody that your partner has been talking to on the phone , on the Internet or weather its a physical  sexual affair that they have had once or even more. Sometimes having an affair is
actually a light going off that something is imbalanced in the relationship. It could be the best wake up call you ever had. Hard to believe  but yes it can. Sometimes an affair can come from your partner feeling judged  and
I'm not saying its your fault
but maybe there not feeling safe enough to talk to you about what there real needs are. So if you or your partner have had an affair and you realize that you truly love them and you wanna heal the relationship. Step # 1
you need to tell  them  why you had the affair, without blaming them I felt neglected, I felt like I couldn't share my fantasies with you, I felt
judged, or maybe even I felt like I needed variety.
Be honest  because  your partner already knows and then tell them but I love you and  I want this  relationship  to work and I'm willing to do anything, anything! it takes to heal,  so that you trust me again.
Then you talk about what it takes...
There are 5 ingredients that you need to get back into that relationship...
Friendship , you guys need to be the best friends again, so u can relay on each other.

Trust, they need to trust you again or you need to trust them again.


Respect,
you can lose respect in a relationship

Communication, open honest communication.

Passion, Yes! the passion can be rekindled,  as long as you both have the desire, your willing to forgive and move forward an affair does not necessarily mean the end of a relationship.
Live, Learn, Forgive, and Love =)  ...

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Don't let Passion Die!

11/1/2011

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Many couples face obstacles that tear them apart physically, and slowly the passion dies down as well. Love isn't easy, you must always work on keeping it alive and the same goes for 
the passion, for once one goes there could be no turning back if one feels rejected or resentment.
If your love is worth saving, do all you can to bring the passion back and kick the old routine to the curb. Spice up your love life a bit. Go on dates often and never forget to appreciate each other.
Keeping chemistry alive is very important!  
Everyone knows that after a while the passion you began your relationship with dies down, but the attraction and chemistry shall always remain.  Without chemistry the relationship will quickly turn into nothing more than a friendship. When that happens the passion will inevitably die, the relationship becomes hollow and both of you will look elsewhere for fun.  
 It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with this person months, years or decades if you want a healthy relationship you must never let the romance die by becoming lazy.  You have to keep it going.  Have a candlelight dinner.  Go for a walk or
gaze at the stars and moon together.  Never forget to compliment your partner, and if people are around when you do even better.  Hug and kiss your partner when they arrive home and leave.  Send your partner a nice message via text, email or by leaving a post it on the mirror or refrigerator.  Have a picnic alone, flirt with your partner and be playful.  Help out by doing your partners chores for them and then taking the free time to give each other massages or snuggle, and most importantly take time once a week to spend time with your partner and have
fun.
Settling into a routine too quickly can also damage the relationship so try not to fall into this trap, no matter what, as we all tend to get relaxed and forget how boring this can be.  Change up a few things here and there to keep things interesting.  Don’t go to the same restaurants, or places.  Keep things as interesting and adventurous as it was when you first hooked up, and keep the sex life just as interesting by role playing, changing up positions and even where the deed is done.  You get the idea. Keep things exciting and you will never find yourselves off each other, but
keep things the same all the time and eventually the chemistry will be lost and
the relationship will die.
Don’t take your partner for granted, keep those surprises coming, it will surely keep you and your partner satisfied with each other, and most
importantly together =)



 
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Ingredients of Healthy Relationship =)

6/25/2011

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 Friendship: If you cannot rely on the person you love, then that person is not worthy of your love.  And if your partner should be able to count on you as well.  Over all you should be able to have a Friendship, meaning  being able to say anything to your partner because you have that  ease.

Trust: I am fond of the old  saying "People who cannot trust should not be trusted."  Distrusting people are  often deceitful because of there trust issues. I found this to be a reliable measuring stick on the trust issue but it is still very important to give people  the benefit of the doubt. Unless they prove otherwise.  
You  cannot truly be connected to someone you cannot trust. That warm, mellow feeling  we experience when we trust each other is a Huge part of a True Love.   Peace-of-mind in a relationship is vital to its stamina.  And trust, like  anything worthwhile, is something we earn over time, 
 
Respect: First and foremost, you must respect yourself before someone else will respect you.
  Respect can diminish over time, especially when you  say or do hurtful things to each other. Whether it is verbal, emotional, or physical abuse, it will kill any respect And lack of respect is one of the most common reasons for ending a relationship.

 Passion: That  feeling of pure lust, overwhelming, distracting, beautiful thing we call  passion.
Passion grows when you can be comfortable  with each
other And  you break down any barriers by communicating. Passion fades when you have  resentment, anger, or contempt for your partner.  This is an area that cannot be  neglected or taken for granted in a relationship.  Keep it alive by kissing  everyday, recreate passionate memories and try new and exciting activities together.

Communication
: You cannot feel good in a relationship without communication.  You have to know where you stand, and you owe it to your partner to tell him or her the same.  Knowing each other is the Key to happiness in all areas. This includes sex too!  Let your partner know  it is safe to talk about fantasies and to explore them.  Good communication can  unleash strong creative energy between you and your partner And with good  communication, you can talk about anything. Not only does it enhance your relationship, it takes a big chunk out of everyday stress. Compliment your  partner every single day; let him or her know that they are making a  difference to your life and share your wants, needs, desires, and fears because  nobody can read your mind, not even the one you love!
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